Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Diary of a Mad Fat Woman; Entry #1

Yes, I said fat. Go ahead and get your cringing out of the way now.

Yes, I am referring to myself. Save your arguments; it's a fact.

I got on the scale about a week and a half ago for the first time in a long time. It was devastating...




I've been overweight for as long as I can recall. I've dealt with my fair share of last picks (if picked at all) for sports, dateless dances, and being the easiest target for insults hurled like dodgeballs. ...Aaaaannnnddd for those dodgeballs, now that I mention it... O_o

I don't like it. Never have.

I've shed many tears over it.

But I have taken it. I have let it go on. I have made half-hearted attempts in the past to change things, sure; but it has never been enough...

Until now.

One thing I've discovered about myself, and about women in general I think, is that we can tolerate a lot. I mean, a LOT-- That's why WE have the husbands and the kids, right? ;) We can let a less than perfect situation go on for quite some time. We may dislike it, but we can let it continue. It may sadden us, but still it goes on...

But once we are mad, that's it. Tolerance is over and turn-around begins.

When I stepped on that scale and saw the bare truth of what I had let happen, I snapped. Overweight is one thing, but I had let it reach the level of absolute absurdity! The medical term for where I am is "morbidly obese". And not just morbid in the sense of scary to see... Morbid in the sense of-- I'm gonna die.

I. Am. FURIOUS! How DARE I continue to turn a blind eye to the stealing away of my life!!! How DARE something like food-- something I should surely be master over to simply use as a tool to keep me alive-- become my oppressor and be the very thing that sends me to an early grave!!!! Not to mention the lack of quality of life I am experiencing on my WAY to that grave!!

What kind of thanks is it to the One Who gave me life-- and for a PURPOSE-- to squander that life and end it prematurely for love of a damned cheeseburger?!?!?!?! "Here I am, Lord! Use me! ...But lemme choke down this umpteenth donut first; I can feel my arteries unclogging."?!?!?! Really?!


So I've joined the gym. And I'm changing my eating habits. By dropping the "habit" as a matter of fact. And I've been doing a Daniel fast. Because not only do I know that without God's working in this I am utterly hopeless, but also because I'm doing this for Him and for His glory. He gave me life in the beginning, and gave it back to me when I found myself in so much (other) bondage. And so now I do want to live this life He's given me FOR Him! Not for food.

And I am sharing this because I refuse to continue to "struggle silently" so that I may continue to fail. It's no longer about vanity; it's about life and death. And I'm choosing life!

So welcome to this new journey, feel free to come along. I'm gonna be real, and it's gonna get raw. I said before that things are changing, and I'm pretty sure that I still haven't even scratched the surface!

If you are or have been on your own weight loss journey, I welcome any resources, tips, advice, and encouragement you have to offer!

"This means that anyone
who belongs to Christ has become a new person.
The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"
2 Corinthians 5:17


  1. Good for you! You are right that as women we just let things go on forever. Good Luck to you. I still need to get off my behind and lose what I like to call "baby weight" even after 3 years. LOL. This website might help you get started: http://www.transformation.com/. Also, just wanted to tell you that I think you are one of the best people that I know so don't give yourself too hard of a time!

  2. You're a brave woman. Thanks for saying what most of us are too embarrassed to say. As you know, I'm right there with ya! We can do this my friend.

  3. This couldn't come at a better time. I'm at that same point of ENOUGH. IS. ENOUGH! I'm getting my life back. It's not just about weight, it's about being physically healthy and actually feeling like doing the things I want to do rather than coping day to day with feeling so bad that I can barely make it to and through work.
    So, yeah, LET'S DO THIS!